Transition (from dictionary.com): movement, passage, or change from one position, state, stage, subject, concept, etc., to another.
Mom has now been with us for a year. I figure it takes about that much time to transition with something big in your life. It seemed to take that long to sort out the new and changing needs for mom, my family, myself - and to get a plan that was actually working. I was (finally) feeling great about life and where I find myself now. Most importantly, I was really feeling grateful - for mom, being with her, etc. My heart was in a good place.
Now I'm not so sure about this transition thing. Yes, I have a plan and yes, it is generally working. But my heart is not always in a good place - and I wish that it was. There are too many days where I don't feel this gratitude. I don't know why I don't. And I feel guilty that I don't. I know that I have so much to be grateful for. Besides the constant blessings in my life of God, family, friends, etc etc etc, mom is really doing well. I understand that she could be so much worse, I really do. There are just so many times when I feel discouraged that I can't "fix" this. I want my old life back; I want the mom I used to know back.
Which brings me to the title of this blog post...
Yesterday I put superglue on one of my fingernails that was breaking (isn't that its primary purpose anyway?). A little later I find superglue in my hair. Must be that I inadvertently ran my finger through my hair before the super glue was dry. Well now how do I get this out? wash it? scrape it? cut it? No, no and no. As I write this, the superglue is still in my hair.
So what's the point? I think there are some things that are not fixable. They just are. Like superglue in my hair. I need to take one day at a time; wait on God; enjoy life anyway. Even with superglue in my hair.